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starwomyn 70F
5425 posts
6/18/2021 9:29 am

Last Read:
7/4/2021 7:43 pm

Mr. C's Polar Bear, Step VIII & Fathers

Step VIII involves making amends people that we have harmed. This can be a challenge when these people have died. I grew up in a household where was violence. This was not discipline of a , this was lashing out in anger that had nothing do with the . One of my biggest regrets was not being able protect my siblings.

Ironically, my mother was the abusive one while the blame was projected on my father. was an incident where my father tried intervene when my mother was wailing on me. She started wailing at my father and he blocked the punch. Suddenly she is on the phone telling my grandmother that my father was "beating" her.

My Grandmother drove our house, packed up the car with all five siblings, and I had listen for two hours "any man beats a woman..........." A few days later, my mother was back in the mental institution and they blamed my father. Dah!!!

I spent years coddling my mother and trying amend our relationship. Forgiveness was a process that took years. Years later, I realized "Why didn't I stand up for DAD!!!! I should have told my grandmother and mother to go firetruck themselves. was the realization that I owed my father a major league amends. I took a trip to Washington D.C and ran the War Memorials to honor my Veteran Father.

Later, Mr. C talked about that subject. He owed his dead father an amends. He went the desert - stood out in the desert terrain and did a prayer and amends to his Dad. He looked down and found a Polar Bear figurine. He kept that Polar Bear in his truck. The truck was stolen and wrecked. The Polar Bear was lost. I found a Polar Bear at Tractor Supply Company and placed in his new truck.

Mr. C. and I frequently participated in running events together. He was in his 60's but usually placed in the top III. I was in my 50's at the time and always placed in the bottom III. Mr. C was diagnosed with ALS and passed away two years ago. While I was thinking about him, I found a Polar Bear in my car. My plan to incorporate that bear in my Fairy Garden entry was delays. Perhaps this year, I can honor Mr. C and even my Dad. He deserved better.



Abracadabra


starwomyn 70F
8876 posts
6/18/2021 10:00 am

Father's Day is around the corner.

Abracadabra


MrsJoe 76F
17507 posts
6/18/2021 10:28 am

Thanks for the explanation of the polar bear. I was curious, but just hadn't asked if it had a special meaning.
The interesting thing about dysfunctional childhoods is that we can let it give us a victim mentality or an overcomer mentality. I chose the latter, but I've encountered some who remained victims and it is so sad because they have allowed themselves to be crippled all their lives by the past.


Be a prism, spreading God's light and love, not a mirror reflecting the world's hatred.


starwomyn 70F
8876 posts
6/18/2021 1:36 pm

    Quoting MrsJoe:
    Thanks for the explanation of the polar bear. I was curious, but just hadn't asked if it had a special meaning.
    The interesting thing about dysfunctional childhoods is that we can let it give us a victim mentality or an overcomer mentality. I chose the latter, but I've encountered some who remained victims and it is so sad because they have allowed themselves to be crippled all their lives by the past.
My sister and I seem to have survived dysfunctional childhoods and moved on. I am actually grateful to be an alcoholic because dealing with that gave me the tools to deal with childhood traumas. Sadly, two of my brothers didn't fare so well, they both died as a result of alcohol and drug addiction.

Abracadabra


sparkleflit 76F
10271 posts
6/20/2021 1:19 pm

    Quoting starwomyn:
    My sister and I seem to have survived dysfunctional childhoods and moved on. I am actually grateful to be an alcoholic because dealing with that gave me the tools to deal with childhood traumas. Sadly, two of my brothers didn't fare so well, they both died as a result of alcohol and drug addiction.
It wasn't your fault......Your story of wishing you had stood up for your father really moved me......It is never the responsibility of a child to protect a parent.....You responded the way any confused, terrified child would.....and it must have been terrifying.......Forgive her.....that big-hearted generous little girl that wanted to protect everyone else, even when she was devastated.