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shuel2002 65F
5104 posts
4/26/2016 6:35 pm
WOULD YOU TELL YOUR FRIEND?

I put this up as a post but it makes sense as a poll too. Basically, you find out your friend is being cheated on. Would you tell them? Comments are welcome, as always.
I would tell my friend
I wouldn't tell my friend
Other


Elaine Shuel


hermitinthecity 70M
1696 posts
4/27/2016 1:15 am

Deception is dispicable. I would tell. I wouldnt be a friend if I let it go on. Nip it where you find it, they'd be hurt even more if they knew you knew and didnt tell them, could even destroy the friendship. If I was not told by someone who was close and knew I'd never trust them again as I'd view it as joining in the deception.

Judgment Day will be interesting - and all paths lead there.


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/27/2016 8:58 am

I try to live with the credo, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". I would want to be told so yes, I would tell my friend. I agree Puzzles, I would have to be absolutely sure before I would tell. I agree with what you said Hermit and I feel the same.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/27/2016 12:10 pm

    Quoting jiminycricket1:
    I wouldn't know for sure if my friend would REALLY want to know or not.

    So, I would hint around it, and let him/her decide if they really wanted to know, they could find out.

    The kind of relationship, would also have a lot to do with how I would approach it.

    I have a hard time believing that in a spousal relationship, the friend being cheated on wouldn't already have a pretty good idea. Exposing it, would require that person to take action, that they may or may not really want to do, because they haven't already done so. It's a tough one, to decide, so I'd give a hint and see if they really wanted to know.

    In a non spousal relationship, I'd give a very strong hint. In that kind of relationship it's totally about discovery.

    In neither case, would I just blurt it out, and I would NEVER discuss it with my other friends.
That was a great answer, Jiminy. Thank you. I wonder if all spouses would know their better half is cheating though. As far as telling other friends, I agree, that you shouldn't be spreading the news around.

Elaine Shuel


jiminycricket1 74M
13732 posts
4/27/2016 12:18 pm

I wouldn't know for sure if my friend would REALLY want to know or not.

So, I would hint around it, and let him/her decide if they really wanted to know, they could find out.

The kind of relationship, would also have a lot to do with how I would approach it.

I have a hard time believing that in a spousal relationship, the friend being cheated on wouldn't already have a pretty good idea. Exposing it, would require that person to take action, that they may or may not really want to do, because they haven't already done so. It's a tough one, to decide, so I'd give a hint and see if they really wanted to know.

In a non spousal relationship, I'd give a very strong hint. In that kind of relationship it's totally about discovery.

In neither case, would I just blurt it out, and I would NEVER discuss it with my other friends

To really have some kind understanding about this. One needs to have it happen to them. I have, I have had friend tell me my wife tried to sleep him...It not an easy take, of course the word tried makes it even worse.


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/27/2016 3:16 pm

    Quoting jiminycricket1:
    I wouldn't know for sure if my friend would REALLY want to know or not.

    So, I would hint around it, and let him/her decide if they really wanted to know, they could find out.

    The kind of relationship, would also have a lot to do with how I would approach it.

    I have a hard time believing that in a spousal relationship, the friend being cheated on wouldn't already have a pretty good idea. Exposing it, would require that person to take action, that they may or may not really want to do, because they haven't already done so. It's a tough one, to decide, so I'd give a hint and see if they really wanted to know.

    In a non spousal relationship, I'd give a very strong hint. In that kind of relationship it's totally about discovery.

    In neither case, would I just blurt it out, and I would NEVER discuss it with my other friends

    To really have some kind understanding about this. One needs to have it happen to them. I have, I have had friend tell me my wife tried to sleep him...It not an easy take, of course the word tried makes it even worse.
I see you deleted your previous comment and put it back on with the added ending. Sorry about what happened to you.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/27/2016 3:18 pm

    Quoting  :

Good for you and good for her, RosesLady. I am glad she got rid of him. Thanks for your comment.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/1/2016 12:34 pm

    Quoting  :

Nice to meet you, Joannita. That was an interesting response. Thank you. I especially found the woman who didn't want to know since she's been married over 40 years, fascinating. Perhaps that is why she is still married.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/1/2016 12:36 pm

    Quoting krystal4est:
    hermit hit it pretty good.
    the media surrounds us with this behavior at every opportunity. it is conditioning, behavior modification for countless unhealthy behaviors.
    what if all of civilization followed the golden rule?
    the only rule is the golden rule .
    I guess that would be paradise, or heaven, the next realm, what you believe.
Thanks for responding to my poll and for your comment, Krystal.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/3/2016 10:36 pm

    Quoting  :

I see it as putting my friend first. If he/she gets upset with me for it, then it means our friendship wasn't very strong. Thanks for your comment, junky. Some definitely see it the same way as you do.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
8/6/2016 3:04 pm

    Quoting phoenix0000:
    I've done that before...told a friend what was going on...all gone, bye-bye...she called me every name she could think of and walked out of my life. Looking back I didn't lose anything...but I would hope that if it were me...someone would say something to me.
Yes, she wasn't much of a friend. She should have appreciated it. Thanks Phoenix. Sorry for the delay. I didn't realize there were more responses.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
8/6/2016 3:04 pm

    Quoting  :

Thanks Eoins2. As per my message to phoenix, sorry for the delay.

Elaine Shuel