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A little This and That...
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Jun 30, 2010 10:10 pm
878 Views
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This has been a strange summer ... Hot!! Too Hot to even work in my Garden..What Garden?? I don't have one.. Hardly any flowers this year. Even the trees are sheading leaves ..not the usual. I didn't even plant a Tomato plant. Of course part of the reason for that was my surgery...had it just about planting time. So no working outside.
My youngest and Family are moving home so I will have plenty of mowers to do my yard. I like to do it myself but I can't keep my lawn mower running half the time. Now out of the 5 of them surely someone will be able to fix stuff around here...lol. I will also have 4 extra doggies... two of which are already here. That gives me 4 with 2 more coming when all gets moved. My boys are loving Chica and Diego being here..they run their self out ..lol. Dora (the Mastif) and Tank (the rescued one) will be here this weekend...and Lordy Dora thinks She is my Lap dog...lol. And NO my lap isn't that BIG ..I hope!! I guess I won't have time to be depressed for a while... might cure me or Kill me??
Hope everyone has a safe and Happy 4th of JULY.. I will do the usual.. stay at home..away from all the traffic. People get down right crazy during the holidays and I'm staying out of the way..lol. I am going to do better about writing blogs... I miss everyone...  (((HUGS))) to all... Mary ♥
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STEPS...
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Jun 20, 2010 12:51 am
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Four days with no tears... a small step... acceptance to the end...two small steps... Forgiveness in my Heart...soon I will Run again.... ♥♥♥
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You said to write...
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Jun 14, 2010 9:31 pm
1398 Views
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I am sitting here wondering how to write this blog... so much going on ..so little of it good. I started here in SFF in 1997. My first computer and I typed the word "Senior". The rest is history. Some good some ...not! I'm still here .. just not very often. I met my Husband here...oops Ex-Husband. By law he is no longer my Husband...But I married "Till death do us part". O.K. so HE DIVORCED ME. I still wear my "little gold band" but I know one day I will have to give up and take it off. It's been a year and I just can't yet. I had 2 years of great marriage...then everything changed.I loved being married and taking care of him.I guess I will never know why he stopped loving me. Or how he could just move on like he never did, so I have to stop crying every day and night...I have to become a whole person again. I need to be "IAMWOMAN" again. I need to ROAR!!!! I think the roar is gone too. So many success stories here... why couldn't I have been one?? I had so much faith in He and I getting back together...lol.. I haven't unpacked yet. Guess it is time...He found someone else to Love. I wish them the best...and I wish I was dead. Don't worry...it's a sin and I love The Lord!!
I have had a year to think of all I could have done.. I never was pretty... I am just plain and simple. What you see is what you get. So maybe if I had dressed differently and wore a lot of makeup.. Had my hair done and my nails done...I look at the pictures of other women on here and think .. maybe if I looked like that....or tried to... but the truth is...I don't know how... I just never was in the cute girlie club...I was always a Tomboy...Grew up being called "BUDDY". Oh well... too late now... Going to bed and try to forget ...I have to!!
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Who cares
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Jun 12, 2010 4:01 pm
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I wanted to write a blog... More just to see if it would help a little of the stress I am having to deal with than for any other reason. But I don't even have an idea where to start..I am so lost..so confused...and so much in pain...... who wants to read a blog like that...who cares...so why bother.
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DREAMS...
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Jun 9, 2010 12:42 pm
704 Views
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It's the possibility of Dreams coming true that makes life worth living...
So we all DREAM..and wander through this world searching for that DREAM with hope and love in our Heart♥ Some are so lucky to find it. Some find it and find it is just that ..a DREAM. Some only have it for a short time..but thank God for the time it was theirs. And there are some that are like Me.. they were so sure it was theirs..so happy .. so very sure.. and they turned their back and it was gone..........after all.. it was.. "JUST A DREAM" So off I am to ..DREAM again...Smiling ...
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HELLO AGAIN...
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May 31, 2010 8:26 am
945 Views
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So many things have happened since I last wrote here. I remember when this was a everyday part of my life. I remember the many friends I found here. I also remember how this was where I went to share with my friends and SFF Family all the good and bad in my life. Now I stop by to read a few blogs and move on..almost like the old neighborhood is no more. As I look through blogs I do see a few familiar faces and names, it made me smile to see the wonderful blog from Parisdreamer's sister!! Many have moved down on the farm as I have. But I still feel the tie to this place that I started chatting for the very first time in 97...wow that was a long time ago..lol. I wish we could go back but time marches on..lol.
First I want to tell ya'll I am alive and well... maybe a little crazier but still around. I recently went through some surgery on my neck and throat.. I had a ORANGE size tumor removed..I had many old SFF friends praying for me and farm friends too. The doctor sat my children down and told them He was 90% sure it was Cancer and kind of told them a little of what we would be looking at... BUT... SURGERY DONE...AND NO CANCER!! When He got my results back He said I was one VERY lucky woman. I told him I Believe in Prayer and I had some very good people praying for me. He told us that in his 38 years of doing this surgery with the type of tumor and all the massing I had He had only had two (2) other patients that DID NOT have Cancer. God isn't finished with me yet!! There is something left for me to do.
During this ordeal I learned something...when my marriage ended I didn't want to live anymore...I loved way to much. But seeing my Granddaughters little face all worried about her Granny, seeing her concern did make a difference!! I also learned that if you need to tell someone how you feel you need to do it... you need to know that tomorrow isn't promised...express your Love, your concern, your thoughts be they good or not... do what you have always wanted to (within boundries) and Pray...for your friends.. loved ones neighbors... life is way too short!!!!
So to my wonderful SFF Friends... I love each and every one of you. I have NO HARD FEELINGS toward anyone of you. I hope if we have not been in touch in a long time you know it is nothing but the fact we are all in different circles at different times... but I have not forgot you. Come see me at the farm place and stay a few minutes ..we can catch up. I still love the man I married I always will . I am so happy for him, he has found someone else to love. I truly wish them both the best. Be happy for your loved ones and friends... the world must go on. You must go on...and SMILE... YOUR FRIEND ALWAYS, Mary ♥♥
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Today
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Feb 6, 2010 10:21 am
785 Views
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Why is it Summer seems so SHORT and Winter seems so LONG??? I am ready for Sunshine and warm temps..!! Gray and cloudy day .. at least it stopped Raining..!! We didn't get that Snow the weather man said would come in over night.. darn glad too..!! Hope everyone is safe and warm where ever you are.
If you are out and about today be a Good Friend.. shake a hand, Hug a neck or at least Smile.. you never know what that kind jesture might mean to someone... (((HUGS))) Mary
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Thoughts
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Feb 2, 2010 4:02 pm
873 Views
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Driving home today from an appointment in town...I seem to have drifted off to another place...another time. I don't think I have ever done this before..! I was looking at the long stretch of road and I was suddenly sitting on my favorite bench in another state .. watching my beloved ducks fly in to the lake .. the seagulls were all around me begging for crumbs from my lunch..and the Pelicans were flapping those wings to stretch..I LOVE THAT PLACE..!! It was where I went when I was sad...and just needed a little Me time..!! I was almost home when I snapped out of it...Scared me..!! I don't have any idea why this happened...still in wonder..!!
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Today...
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Jan 31, 2010 6:31 pm
1046 Views
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Today I sat here and finished printing out all my blogs... crazy huh?? Probably.. but some are no longer there..! I wanted to keep them put up so when I am gone my Girls can sit and read them. There is a lot of history in blogs. You bet I laughed at some... Of course I read them..not all I just skipped around... then I came to the blogs that made me cry...The Loss of my Sweet Brother .. The happiness of getting married .... Him Divorcing me ..The death of my Mother.. History...some good.. the birth of a Grandchild... a new job... More Sad than Happy... all shared with Friends... well some friends.. I don't write as many .. I just don't have the heart to..I just don't have the heart to do anything anymore. I don't feel like I belong anywhere..not in SFF or the other place. I Pray every night for God to Help me be a better person. Maybe Loving everyone is what I am doing wrong. Or maybe it's believing in people... I love people.. I love having friends and when someone Hates me like my Ex husband does it destroys me. I will admit I miss his friendship... I wonder why he hates me.I wonder why people that were my Good Friends act like strangers... I don't hate anyone.. people have hurt me Physically and mentally and I still don't hate them.. Just he ramblings of a confused soul...
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My Thoughts Today...
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Jan 31, 2010 9:40 am
830 Views
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The sun is shining out..it's 19 degrees and the ice and Sleet we got a couple days ago is hanging on. The trees are beautiful with ice covered branches that look like Diamond necklaces hanging there. Mother Nature made me smile today. Don't smile much these days.Sometimes wonder why bother?
Seems I am tired of everything..Friends that are not Really your Friend and so easily write you off...they were part of your heart ..but now they move in another direction. Your love, you thought was your soul mate..moved on. Took some friends with him, took your heart too. Months later when the fog clears you are still wondering what just happened? You try to be angry, but can't it's not in you to be. You try to figure out what happened, could you be such a horrible person. Didn't you love everybody? Didn't you try your best? Didn't you always put these people ahead of yourself? It has to be my fault..I didn't show them how much I cared, somehow I failed everyone. Maybe I should give up on everything. Yep, you failed yourself too.
Life is never simple..we would be bored to death if it was. Sometimes we wish for a simpler, quiet, uncomplicated life. Lot's of luck finding that. My heart is in shreds..and I still try to deal with everyday things without losing my mind. I Pray every night that the Lord will help me deal with all that is going on around me..not just my heartache..but another part of my heart..My family. My youngest daughter lost her job, and her home (foreclosed). She is sick..she has Non Alcoholic Cirrhosis of the Liver. She has good days and bad..more bad. Her daughter (MY Granddaughter) is not well either. The have been fighting surgery on her for 2 years hoping to find another way. My mind is in a whirl...
So why am I writing this.. allowing Friends and strangers to read it, knowing there are no answers? Maybe I am hoping by telling all of you that read it will take a little of the weight off my chest that is crushing me. Maybe I just finally snapped... I don't know.. but I know blogging has always helped me before. No comments are necessary it's your choice...I just needed to vent so I can breathe... Mary
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