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WINNING AHEAD
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Oct 22, 2011 4:05 am
689 Views
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JERSEY CITY – The international sports world erupted in controversy yesterday as French Olympic officials challenged Russian sprinter Ivando Yurkov's gold medal in the 500-meter dash. The French delegation alleges that the photo-finish victory was invalid because the Russian won the race by the length of his erect p*nis.
Furthermore, the French claim that the Russian trainers dosed Yurkov with Viagra to keep his p*nis hard during competition, thereby giving him an unfair advantage of 25 cm (nearly 10 inches).
Yurkov could not be reached for comment. He is recovering from exhaustion and injuries sustained after being mobbed by dozens of female fans after the race.
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10
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A PROSTATE EXAM
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Oct 21, 2011 3:40 am
599 Views
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A middle aged man goes to his regular doctor for his physical and gets sent to a urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say 99," The guy obeys and says 99."
The doctor says, "Great... now turn over on your left side and again, take a deep breath and say 99." Again, the guy says 99.
The doctor said, "Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly, I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your "peter" to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say 99." The old geezer says, "One... Two... Three."
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9
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COME OUT AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN
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Oct 20, 2011 4:42 am
557 Views
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Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.
The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.
They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."
Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.
The man replied,"Well, I was laying under the bed and she crawled over and said, "Come out and fight like a man!".
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8
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TRUTHS ABOUT PREGNANCY
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Oct 19, 2011 5:01 am
648 Views
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Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's "peter" and say "Good job".
Moral of the story:
"Hard work is never appreciated”
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14
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NO UNDERWEAR MAKES SENSE TO ME
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Oct 18, 2011 5:08 am
630 Views
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A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
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13
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WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU
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Oct 17, 2011 4:01 pm
611 Views
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B]Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!
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10
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AGE IS A FUNNY THING
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Oct 15, 2011 3:28 pm
592 Views
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Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?" Well, You'll love this one!
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his, DDS, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm ... Or could he?
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School. "Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old wrinkled SOB asked, "What did you teach?"
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13
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"RETURNED UNOPENED"
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Oct 15, 2011 4:15 am
529 Views
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In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements.
As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN" Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker, the postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfil the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows: "RETURNED UNOPENED."
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8
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FOTO FRIDAY: HARVEST FROM THE SEA
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Oct 14, 2011 4:06 am
560 Views
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These are mussels and we have lots of these here in the Philippines.
I steamed them,topping with roasted garlic, butter and cheese then bake it.
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16
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